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I'm writing this article as a follow up to the one I did on what's going on in the mind of guys who are shy and inexperienced with women. I got some feedback from women on that piece. Some said that they were shy with men and several of the points in it applied to their own situation. Others pointed out how shy women have their own struggles as well. This article will talk about that, with more focus put on the issues that are unique to shy women. This piece was a little different to write for me, since being a guy, I didn't have the benefit of being able to draw on my firsthand experiences to inform my points though you'll still see me interjecting a male perspective in parts.
This naturally leads to a ton of over-analysis and mild obsession as they look for signs that things will work out with the target of their affection. We have nothing in common. I'll be alone forever!
May 01, lol i didn't make this but it's hilarious and i wanna share it. music by reggie watts. ***I DNO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS***. The idea that shy women can solve their inexperience issues by just sitting back and letting the guys come to them doesn't always pan out in reality, for all kinds of reasons: As I mentioned, if a woman is really shy or inexperienced, then even if interesting guys approach her, her shyness is going to get in the way of the interaction going anywhere, There are women who get approached by men. Oct 25, I didn't have too many problems with that fight. I did die 2 times but if you always keep enough energy to do a dash and stay behind the pillars it's not too bad. You also can never stop kiting the summoned dudes. Those will fuck you up if they get close.
The points above are general shyness related obstacles that apply to both sexes in much the same way. Below are the problems that shy women alone have to deal with:. I put this one first to get it out of the way, since I think most people know about this concept. However, even if someone knows that shy people can mistakenly seem snobby in theory, it's still easy to get sucked into thinking it in practice. If a guy approaches a girl, and she doesn't talk back to him much, he's likely to conclude she's just cold and rude and uninterested, and not consider the idea that she was paralyzed with nerves and didn't know what to say, or she was so anxious that she kept checking her cellphone to make him go away.
Similarly, if a girl is standing around a party and not talking to anyone, people will tend to assume she's unfriendly unless she has a blatantly shy 'deer in the headlights' look on her face. I think this view arises from a general belief that women are just more socially competent in general.
It's not that no one realizes women can be shy.
Just that sometimes the default assumption is that women are naturally more comfortable in social situations, and so if they seem distant or untalkative it's because they're choosing to be that way. Attractive shy women face this bias the most, since people sometimes have trouble conceiving that a physically good looking person could have any problems with their confidence. People may also be projecting their own fears and prejudices onto the behavior of shy good looking women "She's hot, she'd never like a guy like me.
Dec 17, Violated: Little Boy Getting Groped On The Bus By Drunk Older Lady! BROKEN? 1, views. Uploaded December 17, Posted by @mahad_worldstar. SHOW MORE SHOW LESS. Please click the "Report" button below if the video on this page is not working properly. Report this video! NEVERMIND, TAKE ME BACK. Aug 20, 20 years Girl & A Little boy Love making Video Leaked - Video Dailymotion. Oct 26, My little sister is thirteen now. Her name is Zoe, she has blonde hair, blue eyes and she likes pop music, fashion and other typical teenage girl stuff. I really do love her. I must have been seven or eight when she first came home. I was excited to finally.
She's not laughing at my jokes because she's stuck up like all pretty girls", "She'd never want to be friends with me. I'm just an average looking bookish girl.
She's like all those catty popular girls from high school. If a woman isn't considered that physically attractive, her shyness will be reinterpreted as well, but this time in light of a different of unflattering stereotypes "She's not talking because she's weird and anti-social and mad at the world". This isn't so much a practical issue as an attitude that can make a shy woman feel their concerns are dismissed or misunderstood.
The belief is that since men are expected to initiate romantic relationships, and to do the work of easing any of the woman's initial hesitation or anxiety, shy women don't have to work as hard to overcome their issues.
They can just sit back and wait for men to come to them, then let him do everything to move the relationship forward. They get to be the choosers, sorting through the platter of men that are presented to them, and rejecting the ones that don't meet their standards.
Even if a woman is really awkward, enough guys will still attempt to get with her, and will persist in the face of her shyness that she'll end up in a relationship before long. Also, there's a belief that shyness is seen as a major flaw in men, but endearing, even desirable, in women.
Maybe this is true, and women on the whole technically have it easier. However, when you're a lonely shy woman who's never had a boyfriend and hasn't had any romantic prospects for the last two years, the fact that you have it easier in theory isn't very comforting.
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Shyness towards dating can be a real problem for some women, and some aggregate advantages don't automatically cancel that out for them. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation.
Click here to go to the free training. This is a sub-belief of the general idea that women have it easier. Often you'll hear this statement made by men, many times ones who are struggling with dating themselves and are a bit resentful at the seemingly better hand women have been dealt. My personal opinion is that this belief reflects men projecting their own attitudes towards sex and dating onto the other gender, and failing to realize that some women may not have the same priorities as them.
You've probably heard it before, "Even guys with a lot going for them often have to put in the work and face a lot of rejection to get a girlfriend or get laid. But even for an unattractive girl all she has to do is go to a bar any night of the week and stand around and be approachable and she'll be guaranteed to be able to hook up with someone.
The idea that shy women can solve their inexperience issues by just sitting back and letting the guys come to them doesn't always pan out in reality, for all kinds of reasons: As I mentioned, if a woman is really shy or inexperienced, then even if interesting guys approach her, her shyness is going to get in the way of the interaction going anywhere.
There are women who get approached by men quite often, but this doesn't happen to everyone. Some women hardly ever have guys come talk to them.
They feel chronically overlooked and like a sexual non-entity in the eyes of men. Women often complain that they only get approached by men they would never be interested in, like pervy older guys at the grocery store, or cocky meatheads at the bar who are obviously just looking for sex. This is a particular problem for shy women who are into guys who are more quirky or sensitive or intellectual, since those types of men typically tend not to be as aggressive about approaching people.
A woman's lifestyle will have a big impact on how often she gets approached. A sorority member who works as a waitress and who goes clubbing a lot will likely get a lot of attention, since she's always out around people. A woman who's more of a homebody and who hates bars isn't going to get nearly as many opportunities for people to chat to her.
Rightly or wrongly, many women dismiss the idea of meeting someone at a bar, or through a stranger approaching them, out of hand.
They want to meet people under different circumstances, like through friends. Many women aren't interested in just sleeping with anybody for the sake of having sex, or are not into one-night stands with strangers. So the idea that they can technically get laid at will doesn't appeal to them. They're looking for a more serious relationship with someone who likes them as a person, and want to get to know someone before they get physical.
In particular I find some guys have trouble accepting this point.
Because they personally are fine with casual sex, or are feeling desperate to hook up with anyone half-decent just to get rid of their nagging inexperience, they can't imagine how someone else wouldn't value these things. A lot of women have understandable safety concerns. They're not willing to go home with someone they just met, because they don't know if the guy will be dangerous or not once they're not in public.
This is another thing I find some guys have trouble fully comprehending, since they take a lot of their safety for granted. For some women, if they get approached a lot, but the attention is unwanted and aggressive and harassing, it may make them even more nervous and guarded around men than before. A bigger issue with the 'let people come to you and choose from the applicants' approach is that it takes away a lot of a woman's ability to choose who she ends up with.
Issues that are unique to shy women
What if she's really interested in a particular guy, but he hasn't noticed her and isn't likely to? If she doesn't have the ability to engage him then she'll miss out on that chance. A problem some shy women report having is that they're able to find boyfriends, but the guys who typically take the initiative to try to date them aren't the ones they're really into. A shy woman's self-confidence may not be great and she feels she has to take whatever comes to her.
This belief follows from the two above about how supposedly easy it is for women to have success with relationships. It isn't so much articulated out loud by people as it is something they just assume. There are women in their mid-twenties and older who are totally dateable and attractive to an outside eye. However they've only had a couple of very short-term go-nowhere relationships, or they've never had a boyfriend, or they're still virgins.
In particular people can not believe that older female virgins do exist, but they are out there, and they feel especially invisible and alone and hopeless. I already mentioned the issues physically attractive women have in getting their shyness taken seriously.
Another group that may have their dating shyness discounted is women who seem confident and adjusted around everyone else in their lives. People will think, "Well they're so fun and outgoing around their friends, why would they ever have a problem meeting men?!?
Shy, sexually inexperienced guys also spend a ton of time worrying about how their inexperience makes them unattractive to the opposite sex. They get good at keeping it a secret and dodging conversations where personal sex stories might come up. They fret about how they'll turn off their partner the first time they hook up by not knowing how to perform in bed.
Ironically, their fear of their inexperience getting in the way often puts up one more barrier to them getting that experience they're looking for.
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I didn't put this point up with the other shyness problems that both genders face because I think women's experience of this issue is somewhat different compared to what guys go through. First, there are different negative stereotypes in society associated with female inexperience.
One is that since women supposedly have it easier in the getting sex department, if a woman is older and still hasn't done a lot physically that must mean she's really messed up and broken somehow. A man might assume she's had a really rough childhood, or has a ton of personal baggage around dating and sex.
A second harmful belief is that women tend to become clingy and emotionally attached to whoever they first gain experience with, which is an off-putting possibility for some men. They don't want to be a woman's first, and then have her become obsessed and want to marry him.
Stereotype number three is that inexperienced women are bad in bed and not worth the effort of sticking around to teach.
A fourth counterproductive concept works a bit differently. It's the opposite stereotype that some men like inexperience in a woman. Some men see it as an indication that she's more virtuous, or emotionally healthy, or has better character. A male who's shy may feel much less intimidated by a woman who's as inexperienced as he is. However, this has the same effect as the other 'women have it easier' beliefs; It sure stings when these supposed advantages don't play out for you in real life.
Eventually, as my parents were scared that he would hurt her, they got rid of him. We were worried about Zoe. I was confused. This was when I first started to gain some disdain towards her.
If we had kept the dog, she probably would have loved him too. I just blamed her at the time. When she was one I was kicked out of my room. We lived in a three-bedroom apartment, just on the outskirts of some big city. My parents had decided that Zoe should have her own room, but instead of refurbishing the guest room for her, they kicked me out of my room and gave it to her.
Any protest I had was quickly silenced and I could only watch as my room, my one free area that I had any say in, was transformed. Sports posters were replaced with pictures of ducks and sheep, my bed was replaced with a pink wooden cot and everything else that made my room mine was changed. They refused to refurbish the guest room for me, and I was instead forced to make do with boring, beige walls, an old, metal single bed and a single wooden dresser for my clothes.
My parents seemed more concerned with where any guests we had were going to sleep. This was the point where disdain turned to hatred. It seemed to me as if they had just completely forgotten about me in favour of her.
Eventually, my parents decided that I was old enough to be responsible and look after Zoe while they went out. I think she was three years old, so she was old enough to speak. They simply left saying that they had left some premade lunch for her in the fridge. She simply nodded her head in agreement and started playing with her toys.
I was on the couch watching my show, my eyes flicking to her when there was a commercial break or some boring segment.
At one point, as I was watching two of the characters on my show beating the tar out of each other, I felt a tugging at my trouser leg. I turned to see it was Zoe. She just sat back down on the blanket. I looked back to my show.
It was a boring bit again. The victorious character was monologuing over the unconscious body of the loser.
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I got up and walked to the kitchen. As I was opening the fridge to get her lunch, I heard her say from the other room. I was confused, but not enough to stop me in my tracks. About half an hour later, the phone rang. The voice then proceeded to explain to me, nice and clearly, that there had been a traffic accident. My mum was in critical yet stable condition, but my dad was not so lucky. He had survived the initial collision, but died on the way to the hospital.
The next few hours were a blur.
We spent the next few days at his house. My aunt was inconsolable. I was just dull. Zoe was too young to grasp the situation, but they said that she understood that dad was gone.
The only thing I was thinking of until my mum came out of hospital and we could go back home was what Zoe had said to me. It was as if she somehow knew what was going to happen. It got to the point where it was unnerving to be in the same room as her. A year, to be exact. It was a nice, sunny day. We all went for a walk in the park, me somewhat reluctantly, as by this point we had decorated my new room and I had a TV, which I had plugged a PS2 into.
It was all quiet, nobody really speaking, when Zoe pointed to an inconspicuous looking guy in a hoodie. My mum turned to look. A man in a grey sweatshirt stood by a fountain. He was staring at his feet, hands in his pockets. I looked too. I leaned over to her. The bad man? She turned to me. Her face was covered in chocolate from the chocolate bars mum had given us. He was sad about something. He wanted to change it. I was just frozen. He was sad about something? He wanted to change it? I just stared out my window too.
The next morning, I was up before anyone else. I saw the local newspaper had arrived, so I picked it up to put it on the coffee table for mum to read. As I did, I glanced at the front page headline, and I dropped the paper and almost jumped back in horror.
A man in a grey sweatshirt. It was then that I realized Zoe had a talent.
I stopped being distant and uncaring of her, and instead listened carefully to what she had to say about anything, asking her about random things that we saw.